Dear Formula, I concede.

Despite my best efforts, Baby now gets her nutrition strictly from a formula diet. [Side bar: please don’t guilt me. I did everything I could from taking herbal supplements to pumping around the clock. At the end of the day, feeding a baby formula is better than starving her. It was one or the other.] So, I’ve composed this little letter:

Dear Formula,

I concede. You win. There, I said it. As much as I hate to admit it, you can provide nutrition to my child that I was not able to.
You stink to high heaven (going in and coming out), but you nourish my little girl … so I am grateful.

You are ridiculously expensive, but you nourish my little girl … so you’re worth every penny.

You provide Baby with a happy, full belly at every meal … so I am appreciative.

You have provided for Baby’s healthy weight gain … for that, I say thank you.

I wouldn’t yet call myself a fan, but I’m working on it … making peace with you is one of my new New Year’s resolutions (actually, it might be my only resolution). Let’s be honest, though, for all that you do for Baby, you do a few things for me as well.

Because of you, I can drink coffee again. Lots of it. And diet Coke, too. Caffeine makes for a happy (albeit still sleep-deprived) mama.

Because of you, I can drink wine again. Lots of it. Sleep deprivation is much more bearable with a glass of wine in hand.

Because of you, nighttime feedings are only half as long as they used to be. Extra sleep is always welcome.

In conclusion, Dear Formula, I am begrudgingly grateful. I’m still working on the ‘begrudgingly’ part, but I am grateful.

Sincerely,
Me

10 Weeks

A month ago, I cringed every time somebody would warn me to ‘enjoy these moments, because the pass so quickly’. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and annoyed! But, today I’m singing a different tune. I’m not sure what has changed in the last couple of weeks, but I am starting to feel like I have at least an ounce or two of control over my life again. Perhaps being back at work and having Baby in daycare forces a routine that allows for some level of sanity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still exhausted, just not quite as overwhelmed. And, now when I look back, I can’t believe how quickly the time has passed and how much Baby has changed!

How has my little girl gone from this tiny little peanut who barely filled out a preemie-sized onesie ….

To my big, strong, growing baby …

To be fair, she’s still weighs just about 9-pounds, and some newborn-sized clothes are even too big for her at 10-weeks-old. But, she’s a growing girl! She smiles and plays like a pro. I can’t believe that she couldn’t even do that (smile) just mere weeks ago.

So, I owe everyone an apology for rolling my eyes when you would warn me to

Cherish these moments …
Enjoy it while it lasts …
They grow so fast …

It’s all true, and it's only been 10 weeks! Baby is well on her way to the 3-month mark, and I feel like she was just born yesterday. As much as I eagerly await the days when she’ll sleep for longer stretches at night and be able to do just a few things on her own (you know, like hold up her own head), part of me wishes she would just stay my tiny, little baby forever!

Shots

Remember when getting shots late in the day on Friday (or sometimes a Tuesday) involved a trendy bar, a shaker of salt, and a wedge of lime? It might not be such a distant memory for some of you, so bear with me … we’re not talking about those kind of shots.

We ended the week with Baby’s 2 month check-up, which included … shots. Now, as I’ve said before, we’re a family that believes in modern medicine. However, I was happy to hear that our doctor uses the preservative-free inoculations. Baby handled everything pretty well, or so I hear. I left the room the second I saw the size of those three (yes, THREE!!) needles they were going to stick into my little girl’s legs. Husband was brave and stayed with her through the whole ordeal, which lasted only a few minutes. Once the torture session ended (for me … I could hear her cries through the wall), Husband promptly brought Sweet, Crying Baby to me so I could soothe her. I know it’s for her own good, but it broke my heart to watch her go from her happy, playful, unsuspecting state to ‘what the hell did you just do to me?’ screaming in a matter of seconds.

Following the shots, Baby had a little swelling on her leg and was pretty fussy for a while. Fortunately for her, a few doses of Tylenol seemed to help. Unfortunately for me and my nerves, tequila shots were not really an option considering that my responsibility to care for my upset infant is what started this whole mess anyway. The next day, Baby seemed to have completely forgotten the whole experience. We traveled to visit family, where she was held ALL DAY. I’m sure the extra love and attention didn’t hurt the comfort phase of her recovery. In fact, I think she really got used to the warmth of being in somebody’s arms ALL DAY … which might explain why I’m currently typing this blog with only one hand.

Everything else went well at the doctor’s office. Baby is up to 21 ½ inches long and 8 pounds 14 ounces, which is almost a whole pound since the beginning of the month! Weight gain is still a big celebration for us. She’s only in the tenth percentile, but she’s happy and healthy!

Sleeping through the night ...

‘Sleeping through the night’ as defined by single people without children – At least 8 hours of peaceful slumber in the comfort of your own bed interrupted only by the occasional trip to the bathroom or the need to roll over. Hitting the snooze button on your alarm is also an option.

‘Sleeping through the night’ as defined by parents of an infant – Your baby goes 5 hours from the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of another feeding and sleeps in between (you know, during the night).

Well, here’s how that actually plays out in my house:
10:00 pm I go to bed.
10:30 pm Husband feeds Baby. (WONDERFUL Husband. Yes, I know!)
1:30 am In anticipation of Baby waking up per her normal 3-hour feeding schedule, I wake up. Baby is still sleeping, so I do other feeding-related tasks (e.g., pump, bottle prep, etc.).
2:00 am Baby is restless, so I sit in the chair in her room to give her a few more minutes of sleep (it’s been 4 hours at this point).
2:10 am Head jerk wakes me up, and I realize Baby is still fast asleep. I grab a blanket, pull out the recliner, and get comfortable.
2:12 am Baby cries. I get up to check on her, ready to feed her. She’s fast asleep before I even get to her crib.
2:13 am I get comfy again.
2:20 am Baby cries out in her sleep and starts to squirm. I get up to check again, ready to feed her.
2:21 am Baby is fast asleep.
2:22 am I curl back up in the chair and start to play sudoku on my phone. I'm sure it’s only a matter of minutes at this point.
2:35 am She’s still sleeping. I’m not. So, I try to sleep again.
3:00 am Another sleep cry jerks me awake out of my pretzel-like position. It’s officially been 5 hours, so I’m not even going to try to fall back to sleep at this point. More sudoku.
3:15 am Baby is definitely ready to eat now. Diaper. Feed. Swaddle. Rock.
3:50 am And, she’s back to sleep.
3:51 am I curl back up in the chair. No bed for me. I have to hear her breathing, remember. And, no matter how fancy your video monitor is, you just can’t hear those sweet baby breaths over the buzz of a humidifier. They are really handy, though, when you need to make sure nobody has crawled through the AC vents and kidnapped your child (Yes. Paranoid. Me.).
5:30 am Ouch. Stiff neck. Still in the chair. Husband is waking up in 30 minutes, so I take a ‘huge’ risk, grab the monitor and go to bed for a couple of hours.

Moral of the story: Baby sleeping through the night does not equal more sleep for me.

This is how happy babies look when they've slept through the night:

Tales from the Crib

Last night, Baby slept in her crib … in her own room …. all night long.

I, on the other hand, didn’t sleep much at all. Baby is very adaptable. She’ll pretty much sleep anywhere, any time, so long as sleeping is what she wants to do. She’s gotten really good at distinguishing her nights and days, so that has made us very happy lately. There are many great reasons why we decided to try having our little girl start sleeping in her own bed:

1-She just seems to do better on the crib mattress than in the pack-n-play. Of course, she should for as much as we paid for that mattress!
2-Her room is smaller than our master bedroom, and the humidifier seems to be more effective in the smaller space.
3-It will be easier in the long run if she learns to sleep in her own bed now.
4-Blah. Blah. Blah.

It drove me crazy! We might have a super fancy video monitor, but you can’t really tell if she’s breathing on those things! And, yes, I still check to make sure she’s breathing at least 5-6 times at night (and just as many time during the day). Also, her gazillion grunts, noises, and sleep-cries sound much more imperative on the monitor than they do when she is sleeping right next to you.

So, here is how last night really went. I went to bed at 10 pm while Husband fed Baby and took the first shift. I woke up later to take the 2 am feeding (yes, she slept for 4 hours! But, I was up at 1 am just in case). She was actually really sleepy, so I changed her, fed her, and put her back to sleep within about 30 minutes. Yay … I can now sleep from 2:30-7:30 am, right? Wrong. I started in the chair in her room. I needed to hear her breathe. The chair is great for rocking, not so much for sleeping. Knowing that she would be ready to eat around 5 am, I decided to go to bed about 4:15. Instead of sleeping, I watched her on the monitor for the next hour or so. By that time, Baby was ready to eat. I got up and started to feed her. Luckily, Husband came quickly to relieve me and I got a couple hours of sleep before starting the day.

Oh, and yes, I’m back at work. Today actually starts my third week back. Stupid HR paperwork, etc. didn’t approve my 8 weeks of maternity leave, so I started back early. Luckily, I work for a great company and have very understanding and flexible boss, so the transition has been easier than I had anticipated. Anyway, if I ever catch up on sleep and can think of something witty to post about balancing work and motherhood, I’ll be sure to do so. Until then, please enjoy my stories about how my child is already rolling her eyes at my being overprotective and sleep deprived.

Sweet, sleeping baby

We have survived several events in the last couple of weeks. I went back to work. I’ve been driving Baby to daycare … all by myself … without anyone to hold her head stable in the car seat that I still think is too big. Baby has ‘survived’ daycare without so much as a single tear upon my departure. I’ve even managed to make it through with only the occasional tear or two. Per day. At least, that’s what I tell myself. The sun is just really bright and sometimes it makes my eyes water. A lot.

Actually, I think it’s really helping her distinguish her days and nights. She’s been sleeping much better at night (knock on wood) in the last week. We’ve been feeding her a little more in the evenings, and she has slept in stretches of 3.5–4.5 hours between the nighttime feedings. If only I could get her to do this consistently so I know exactly what the trick is.

Today, we also survived our second week in a row at church. We learned our lesson after last week’s Great Spit-up Event that occurred about 30 seconds before we were set to walk out the door. This week we were prepared with a cute outfit, matching bow … and a bib. Baby was great in church. She followed the same pattern of being awake for the first half, quietly rocking in her car seat. Then, she slept through until the end. Let’s just say that we very seriously encourage Father Tony to visit every night around 10:00 pm and give Baby the “God bless and be good” blessing!


Tonight we’re going to try letting her sleep in her crib for the entire night … wish us luck!

Haiti Relief

So, I thought a great way to help the people of Haiti would be to adopt an orphan or two. Husband did not approve. He said that there is a big difference between adopting a child and texting a $10 donation. Whatever. I think we should all adopt Haitian babies!

Seriously, though, these poor people were hit by a second earthquake today. Death tolls are reportedly up to 200,000. They need our help. These are some great ways to give a little or a lot:

-Text ‘Haiti’ to 90999 to donate $10 to the American Red Cross. It will be charged to your cell phone bill. For larger donations to the Red Cross, visit www.redcross.org.

-Seton Institute. This is a Catholic charity that takes financial donations as well as In-Kind gifts of medical supplies. So, all you medical sales reps should consider this one and alert your employers. Visit http://www.setoninstitute.org/ for more info.

-My aunt sells the Wonderful Wonderbar. It’s an awesome facial cleanser. For every purchase you make, they’re donating to Doctors Without Borders. Visit http://www.wonderfulwonderbar.com/ or email her at Lissa@wonderfulwonderbar.com.

So, adopt a baby, send a text, clean your face … whatever you want, do your part to help the people of Haiti.